Wicked: A Deeper Meaning
by Julia-Caesar
Summary: A series of remastered, translated, and fractionally true songs from the musical "Wicked." An inside look to what ideas the composers really wanted to send to the viewers.
1. No One Mourns the Slutty

**So after many years of hard work and tireless research and symbolic rituals, I have finally completely the official transcript of the 100% true and artistic subliminal message behind each word that the "Wicked" characters sang. Now I know what you're thinking - "What makes you think it was symbolic? How do you know it's not all in a literal sense?" Well, readers, it's completely obvious that the words are metaphorical and that they were just patiently waiting for a creative genius like myself to pick apart every last detail, in order to present to the fandom what is believed by millions as the one true depiction of a beloved musical. Some details may shock young readers, but it is believed that it is a parental figure's duty to expose their child to the true evils of modern media and such. If you don't believe me, read these brilliant composed and partially true reviews from esteemed figures in history:**

**"A true piece of excellent work." -Charles Dickens  
><strong>**"The ultimate combination of truth and justice..." -Rosa Parks **

**The following symbolic results are completely original and mostly true.**

* * *

><p><strong>Ozians:<strong>

SLIGHTLY BITTER NEWS, WE THINK SHE'S DEAD  
>THE MAGICAL BEING OF THE VINKUS IS MAYBE DEAD!<br>BASICALLY SHE'S GREEN SO SHE MUST BE EVIL  
>SO LET'S PRETEND THAT SHE WAS MEAN TO US<br>SHE MIGHT BE DEAD! OKAY NEWS! EH NEWS!  
><strong>Ozian:<strong> Look, it's a giant floating bubble!  
><em>Glinda floats in on a giant bubble<em>  
><strong>Glinda:<strong> Gurl why the hell are people celebrating that was mah best friend who guys are singing about _(Ozians cheer anyway) _No need to respond, I'm trying to be funny. Fellow, even though I'm richer, prettier, more glorified, magical, and popular than you, people dressed in green:  
>LET US BE GLAD,<br>LET US BE GRATEFUL,  
>LET US REJOICIFY THAT RACISM COULD SUBDUE<br>THE WICKED WORKINGS OF YOU KNOW WHO!  
>ISN'T IT NICE TO KNOW<br>THAT HARRY CONQURED VOLDY?  
>THE TRUTH IS THAT I LOVED BIQ ALL THIS TIME,<br>AND NOW HE'S DEAD  
>OR IS HE…<br>**Ozian:** Glinda! Exactly how dead is he? Because, ya know, in Oz, people come back from the dead all the time. ALL THE TIME.  
><strong>Glinda:<strong> She's dead, people. 100% dead. Why do you have to rub it in mah face? As if my heart isn't already broken. I'm all alone in the world now and-  
><strong>Ozian:<strong>  
>NO ONE MOURNS THE TACO!<br>**Ozian:**  
>NO ONE CRIES THEY'RE NOT GOOD COLD<br>**Ozians:**  
>NO ONE GETS THEM FROM TACO BUENO<br>**Ozian Man:**  
>THE GOOD MAN BUYS TACO BELL<br>**Women:**  
>THROUGH THE "MEAT" OUR CHILDREN LEARN<br>**Ozians:**  
>WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE EAT TOO MUCH<br>**Glinda:**  
>AND GOODNESS KNOWS<br>THAT YOU GUYS SHOULDN'T INTERRUPT ME  
>GOODNESS KNOWS<br>THE GOODNESS ISN'T A REAL PERSON  
>IT JUST SHOWS WHEN YOU'RE AN OZIAN<br>YOU BASICALLY HAVE NO MIND  
>OF YOUR OWN-<br>**Ozians:**  
>YES, GOODNESS KNOWS<br>THE BURRITOS' LIVES ARE LONELY  
>GOODNESS KNOWS<br>THE BURRITOS HAVE SOME BEANS  
>NOTHING HURTS FOR BURRITOS<br>THEY DON'T GET REAPED  
>IT'S NOT THE HUNGER GAMES<br>**Ozian:** Glinda, why does wickedness happen?  
><strong>Glinda:<strong> That is the stupidest question I've ever heard. Where is this person's mother? YOU! You need to freaking educate your child better. Idiot. Anyway, my BFF had a freakin terrible childhood because he mother was a slut.  
><em>Witch's Parents Enter.<em>  
><strong>Frex:<strong> I'm off to cheat on you, my dear!  
><strong>Glinda:<strong> They were both so honest with each other.  
><strong>Frex:<strong>  
>HOW I HATE TO GO AND FATHER SOMEONE ELSE'S CHILD<br>**Melena:**  
>THAT'S ALRIGH IT, I'VE GOT A DUDE COMING OVER LATER<br>**Frex:**  
>BUT KNOW THAT IT'LL ALL BE YOUR FAULT<br>WHEN OUR CHILD IS GREEN  
><em>Frex Exits. A Lover Runs Into The Room.<em>  
><strong>Glinda:<strong> Oh my Oz, that guy is fat.  
><strong>Lover:<strong>  
>HAVE ANOTHER DRINK, MY DARK EYED BEAUTY,<br>YOU SHOULD GET MORE DRUNK SO WE CAN HAVE SOME SEX,  
>SO HAVE ANOTHER DRINK OF GREEN ELIXER<br>AND OUR BASTARD CHILD WILL HAVE GREEN SKIN,  
>HAVE ANOTHER LITTLE SWALLOW LITTLE LADY,<br>AND FOLLOW ME DOWN TO SOMEWHERE THAT ISN'T SEXUALLY AROUSED AT ALL.  
><strong>Glinda:<strong> And of course, from the moment she was born she was... well... She was freaking green, people.  
><strong>Midwife:<strong> AHHH! It's coming!  
><strong>Frex:<strong> Now?  
><strong>Midwife:<strong> The baby's coming!  
><strong>Frex:<strong> And how!  
><strong>Midwife:<strong>  
>I SEE A NOSE AND I CAN'T TELL IF IT'S GREEN OR NOT!<br>**Frex:**  
>I SEE A CURL BUT FOR SOME REASON CAN'T SEE THE FREAKIN SKIN!<br>**Both:**  
>IT'S A HEALTHY, PERFECT, LOVELY LITTLE...<br>_(They Scream)_  
><strong>Melena:<strong> What is it? What's wrong? Does it have the father's eyes?  
><strong>Midwife:<strong>  
>THE SKIN IS GREEN<br>**Frex:**  
>OMO IT'S REALLY GREEN<br>**Midwife:**  
>IT'S GREEN<br>**Frex:**  
>IT'S GREEN<br>**Both:**  
>LIKE A GREENY, GREENY GREEN,,<br>THE BABY IS PARTICULARLY  
>GREEN!<br>**Frex:** Take it away... Gurl get this ugly baby outta mah face. What kind of midwife are you?

**Glinda:** So you see, her mother was very slutty.  
><strong>Munchkins:<strong>  
>NO ONE MOURNS THE SLUTTY!<br>NOW AT LAST, HER LEGS ARE CLOSED  
>NOW AT LAST HER SLUTTINESS IS GONE<br>AND GOODNESS KNOWS (GOODNESS KNOWS NOTHING)  
>WE KNOW WHAT GOODNESS IS (APPERENTLY NOT)<br>GOODNESS KNOWS, THE SLUTTY DIE ALONE (BUT NOT ME)  
>WOE TO THOSE (WHAT'S WOE MEAN)<br>WHO SPURN WHAT GOODNESSES  
>THEY ARE SHOWN!<br>NO ONE MOURNS THE SLUTTY (CHEESE BUNS)  
>NO ONE MOURNS THE TACOS (BURRITOS)<br>NO ONE MOURNS... THE GREEEN PEOPLE...  
>GREEN PEOPLE...<br>TACOS!  
><strong>Glinda:<strong> Well, this has been an emotional rollercoaster, but as your puny minds cannot imagine, I have much to attend to, what with the fact that I just kicked the Wizard out of Oz and my best friend died. So, if there are no further questions, Ireallyhavetopee...  
><strong>Ozian:<strong> Glinda, is it true you were her friend?  
><em>Ozians Gasp<em>  
><strong>Glinda:<strong> GOOD GRIEF, JUST LET ME GO USE THE BATHROOM.  
><em>Louder Gasps<em>  
><strong>Glinda:<strong> Ugh. Yes. Of course she was my friend. She was my best friend. Ya know, for the forty-eight hours that I knew her. _She Motions Her Bubble Downward._ I did like her. That is, our paths did cross... at school. But unless you're a Gelphie shipper, it was completely platonic and a lie because Fiyeraba shippers believe that a lot of shit went on behind mah back at Shiz, so just leave me alone and watch my two hours worth of flashbacks.


	2. Dear Old Bar

**Students:**  
>O, OLDISH WALLS AND OVERGROWN PLANTS,<p>

THE UGLIEST SIGHT THERE IS

WHEN WE'RE OLD AND ON THE BRINK OF DEATH,

WE'LL THINK BACK TO THE TIME WHEN WE ALL GOT DRUNK

THAT ONE TIME AT THAT BAR THAT NIGHT

OUR NIGHTS AT THAT OLD…

**Galinda:** _Being Wheeled In On A Big Cart Filled With Luggage._

BAAAAAAAAAARRRRRR

**All:**  
>THAAAATT (THAT ONE TIIMMMEE)<p> 


	3. The Fatty And I

**Morrible:** Oh, Miss Green Skin...  
>MANY YEARS I HAVE WASTED TEACHING IDIOTIC YOUNG ADULTS<br>FOR A LACK OF SELF CONTROL LIKE YOURS TO APPEAR  
>WHY I PREDICT THE FATTY COULD MAKE YOU HIS<br>ALL TIME, WORST NEMISES!  
>MY GREEN, MY GREEN,<br>I'LL WRITE AT ONCE TO THE FATTY  
>TELL HIM OF YOU IN ADVANCE SO WHENEVER YOU SHOW UP HE DOESN'T FREAK OUT ABOUT YOUR GREEN<br>WITH A TALENT LIKE YOURS, GREEN, THERE IS  
>A SLIGHTLY IMPROBABLY CHANCE<br>IF YOU DECIDE TO BRING YOUR PRETTIER ROOMMATE  
>YOU BE THE WICKED WITCH<p>

**Elphaba:**  
>DID THAT REALLY JUST HAPPEN?<br>HAVE I ACTUALLY UNDERSTOOD?  
>THIS WEIRD ROOMMATE I'VE TRIED TO KILL TWENTY TIMES<br>IS AN ASSET THAT COULD HELP ME MEET THE FATTY  
>IF I BRING HER<br>SO I'LL BRING HER  
>WHEN I MEET THE FATTY,<br>ONCE I PROVE MY EVILNESS,  
>AND THEN I MEET THE FATTY,<br>WHAT I'VE WAITED FOR SINCE  
>SINCE TWENTY SECONDS AGO!<br>AND WITH ALL HIS FATTY FATNESS  
>BY MY LOOKS HE WON'T BE BLINDED<br>DO YOU THINK THE FATTY IS FAT?  
>OR LIKE MUNCHKINS SO SMALL… ENDOWED? NO!<br>HE'LL SAY TO ME "I SEE WHO YOU TRULY ARE,  
>A GREEN ON WHOM I CAN RELY"<br>AND THAT'S HOW WE'LL BEGIN,  
>THE FATTY AND I<br>ONCE I FIGHT THE FATTY,  
>MY WHOLE LIFE WILL CHANGE,<br>'CUZ ONCE YOU FIGHT THE FATTY  
>NO ONE THINKS YOU'RE GOOD<br>YOUR FATHER IS NOT PROUD OF YOU,  
>YOUR SISTER ACTS ASHAMED,<br>AND ALL OF OZ HAS TO HATE YOU  
>WHEN BY THE WIZARD YOU'RE BANISHED<br>AND THIS CURSE OR THIS CURSE  
>THAT I HAVE INSIDE<br>MAYBE AT LAST I'LL KNOW WHY  
>WHY YERO'S HAIR IS SHINY<br>THE FATTY AND I  
>AND ONE DAY HE'LL SAY TO ME, "WICKED WITCH,<br>A GIRL WHO IS SO SUPERIOR,  
>SHOULDN'T A GIRL WHO'S SO BAD INSIDE<br>HAVE A MATCHING EXTERIOR?  
>AND SINCE FOLKS HERE TO AN OBSURED DEGREE<br>SEEM FIXATED ON YOUR GREENNESS  
>WOULD IT BE ALRIGHT BY YOU<br>IF I DEGREENIFY YOU?"  
>AND OF COURSE THAT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO ME<br>"PRAISE JESUS CHRIST!" I'LL REPLY  
>OH, WHAT A PAIR WE'LL BE<br>THE FATTY AND I  
>YES, WHAT A PAIR WE'LL BE<br>THE FATTY AND...  
>I'M SO HUNGRY, MY STOMACH IS LIKE SO HUNGRY<br>AND I'VE JUST HAD A SANDWICH ALMOST LIKE A HAM AND CHEESE  
>I KNOW<br>IT SOUNDS TRULY CRAZY  
>AND TRUE, THE SANDWICH IS HAZY<br>BUT I SWEAR SOME DAY THERE'LL BE  
>A CELEBRATION THROUGHOUT OZ<br>THAT'S ALL TO DO  
>WITH FOOD!<br>AND I'LL STAND THERE WITH THE FATTY  
>EATING THINGS I'VE NEVER ATE<br>AND THOUGH I'D NEVER SHOW IT  
>I'D BE SO HAPPY I COULD FART!<br>AND SO IT WILL BE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE  
>AND I'LL WANT NOTHING ELSE 'TILL LUNCH TIME<br>I WILL EAT ALL THE BEANS  
>WHEN PEOPLE SEE ME THEY WILL EAT<br>FOR HALF OF OZ'S FAVORITE DISH:  
>THE FATTY...<br>AND I!


End file.
